Monday, January 23, 2012

Endings

Salam!~

After a long time pondering and not much time allowing me to write... i decided to give blogging a rest for a while.
It could be that I would never blog again.. but who knows. Only the future can tell.

All the best!~ :D

Adios people!~
Diana

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

:3

Found this - :D

If you never felt pain or experienced problem
How would you know that I'm the Healer.

If you never made a mistake
How would you know that I'm the Forgiver

If your were never hurt,
How would you know I'm the Comforter

If your life were perfect,
Then why would you ever need Me.


Subhanallah.
:D

Monday, November 14, 2011

The Pattern

Assalamualaikum.. :D

Did anyone ever realise that most of my post on this blog is about me moping around and not being happy, maybe seemingly frustrated all the time...??

I did - Just now.


Haha... funny. Its when im upset and not in a good mood, worried and feeling crappy that I would write anything at all.

I guess its a habit to just not keep things on the inside you know.

But then again, unlike most people... i don't actually keep a record of my life. I don't take pictures, don't write about the good stuff that happened to me. Im not good at it!~ I think I just savour the moment as it is and let it pass by.

Gosh, I think when im old.. I have nothing to look back on. T.T


Then again, the most important thing is to improve yourself as each day pass by.
^.^

Friday, October 28, 2011

The Little Flutter in Your Heart

Assalamualaikum!~ ^.^

The title - I have to admit is a little misleading... but still. It does have some sense truth in it. :P

Today - 28.10.2010 - is the last lecture day of the final first year medical school hurdle. Fuu... the baton now is passed fully to us to run and sprint to the finishing line.

Kinda funny when you think about it - the lecturer told us to smell the roses while we're at it.

So... being the un-perfect me there are concerns here and there. The nervousness just sometimes will get to you without you even realising it. I just hope the last sprint is a good one. I need to pass first year of medical school.

Come on!~ This is what I have been waiting for!~

Years and years of hard work with what I hope a very sincere journey from high to the end of first year of medical school - hopefully doesn't end me with a sprained ankle or fracture or even a dislocation stop me from getting to the finishing line.

I know, i know.. a bit dramatic for just finishing first year but still.. a hurdle is still a hurdle.



Deep down inside.. I don't know - I often feel that I want to be a daie' but I want to do it in my own style. Guided of course but not tied to the same routine and restricted and i don't know.. caged?

I have this great intention in my heart and I want to be able to reach other people through their heart.. not just by being this identity which is not even me. I don't know how it will go.

I do have to admit i feel jealous when other people seem fall into line and being so into it and Im not. Its not that I want that greatness of Allah to not be spread, I do.. but just in a different way I guess. Oh I don't know what I am saying.

Im a free-spirited soul wanting to spread the truth about Allah love to others without feeling caged. Yeah.. I don't know if there is something wrong with me.

Sometimes, I feel like I can't be myself when I am in that group. Its not a bad thing being that group its just that it seems that I have lost my empowerment on myself. Its like following a rigid framework that must be exactly like that.

I guess I need to learn and open my heart more. Settle my own feelings and move on with it. With good intentions and most of all - effort. They did say, being on Allah's road wasn't an easy thing... but I want to do it nonetheless.

May Allah guide me always....
:)

Friday, October 21, 2011

Being lost again...

Assalamualaikum..

This post is not really going to be a happy. Its more like me, trying to console myself - like i always do.

Even though it has been about a year being in oversea, i still cannot fit myself into the batch-mate as well as the community.

Every time i make myself present, I feel hypocritical and above all useless. I have no idea what am I doing here and how am I suppose to socialise with people. Its really a tough barrier to break and I really hate it.

I really feel small and useless to some point and I know i just have to motivate myself. People often say that they accept me as who I am but.. I don't feel or see that.

But above all.. i feel like I don't have someone to fall back onto. I wonder if its a trust issue... Many times it has been laughing together but no one has yet cried together with me. Hence, this unsettled feeling I have been having.

So again... Im always alone.


Alone just because of my different way of life and principles.
Im not really a fun person to be around. So, i just stay on my own on my side.

Most probably, I would have to just keep quiet most of the time but continuing to smile - sincerely i hope.
Im homesick.. i just wanna go home to my family and be done with it.

I lost my confidence long time ago.. and I need time to build it back. I don't know where it has gone to.
So i just, really.. wanna.. go home.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

:(

I feel so frustrated!~~
Ya Allah, kuatkanlah hati ini untuk bertahan seketika lagi.

Ya Allah, apalah dayaku untuk berhadapan dengan situasi ini.

Ya Allah, apalah kudratku untuk bertahan dengan situasi ini.

Adakah patut aku pasrah, adakah patut aku rempuh dinding tu dan bertanya..

Sesungguhnya, org yg kuat itu adalah orang yang menahan marahnya...
tapi hati in sudah lama sedih dan pilu.

Salahkah aku merajuk dan terasa and rasa ingin tidak peduli..
tapi pengetahuanku memaksa diriku beradab.


Bukan dilemma besar pun... tapi hati ini tetap mengeluh.


Diana.. bawaklah bersabar, Pujuklah hati tu... tegarkan jiwa tu.
Masalah ini kecil je.. tapi teruslah tunaikan haknya.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

The need... for...

The more I lived.. the more that I am exposed.. the more that I feel the need.

Not the childish minded, not the teenage hormone influenced brain.. but just.. a great awareness.

The need is great.

Ah.. is this it? - Is this the feeling that Im waiting for.


I rather that it came slowly and not rushed so that I would be committed to it.

Lets see how we go eyh?


:D