Thursday, August 6, 2009

After stuffing myself with another round of Carbonara Fettucini, I find myself not sleeping and currently wasting my time. Its already 1 am. I really should be sleeping. Opposite to my previous self, I am actually taking my sweet time completing my work. Which is actually a bad thing cuz i have a bad feeling that i will be regretting this later but currently I feel like I could not care less.

..... *yes.... there is a twist and tug in stomach saying... im going to regret this....*....

I vow to print my broadband bill tomorrow morning and have it paid cuz... my life depends on this broadband. Not having it is like being amputated. Had a nice laughing evening sms-ing people. Alaq and Syahmi. Funny people seriously.

I don't feel like going out with my friend tomorrow and I really have a strong feeling its going to be canceled. Duh.... 3 people only. Where's the fun in that? However i am really looking foward for Saturday though. Hopefully it will go through. I have no idea when would i have the chance.

As time pass by and in today's current situation, people tend to be selfish. Even if they don't notice it. Its unevitable. Rushing in and out just to live their life. Its a neverending circle but what is actually the aim of life. I guess to be accepting things as they are. I used to be afraid of not making it. Making to the finishing line, becoming succesful in life and to live it.

I have a new understanding now. That is to realise that Allah loves you so much that he won't let you drown. He knows best and whatever decision made by Him is the best for us. I just have to go with the flow and just ride the wave. Giving every inch of what i've got.

Right now, it does not matter where i'll fly to. Maybe I won't even fly oversea. There are pros and cons... but I am not going to dwell on it. I'll just have to do my best. The only thing is now... my best must not land me in the hospital again. Things that you miss just because you are hospitalized... but the thing that i gain was acceptence and realisation. Allah still loves me.

I want to start fresh tommorow. Yes.... i can already hear Pn. Salma nagging me about my EE... ahh.. the stab in the heart. I really have to learn how to shield my soft, poor heart. I know she meant good for me... and i will strive to do the best EE i can do within my capability. I know i can.

I believe in myself. I know I can.

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