Sunday, September 20, 2009

Einstein Hair-Do

Not related to the title... anyhow, tonight is the first raya night. It supposedly supposed to be joyous isnt it? I seriously swear there is too much drama and sarcasm going on in the family. Well each family have their own backyard right? The only way to do it is just - ignorance - hence the phrase, ignorance is bliss.

In order to acheive something, one must know what they want. I think all the time I was in KMB, i only had a vague idea of what I want. What do I want? I want to pursue a Medical Degree and become the best doctor around and I want to do it oversea, come back and serve the nation. That is my mission.

I have spent 90% of my time worrying about not making it. Its all bullshit. I've wasted a whole piece of my damn time. Now is not the time to be worrying. Its all about eyeing the final prize. The final reward. All its takes is - F-O-C-U-S -

I need to shift my focus on things that can make me acheive my dream. No more petty imagination and worrying. People might believe that I will not make it especially that certain someone and I will prove her wrong. I worked my ass off to get to this level, even landed myself in the hospital and had to go through so much obstacle. I am not going to let myself down.

All I need to just to be focused. Enough of all petty nuisance and crap the world have to offer. Its just between me and Allah. I had enough time mellowing over myself and now I am going to stand up again. The outcome matters, the effort matters and the heart matters. I am going to work hard and be focused. Be focused, that is all it takes.

I think I lost focus when I got to KMB and I don't know why. It was all about being naive wasn't it. Grasp the reality Diana!~ Its knocking ya in the face. Who gives a damn about what everybody say or do. Do what you can and do it up to your maximum capability.

You'll be the greatest person alive. One way or the other. Don't give a bullshit about what other people are doing. Everybody has their special capability and you have yours. Use it to your full advantage and you'll do just fine.

You are so going to get ur damn ass on the bloody plane to Australia and get that damn Medical Degree. Fullstop.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Is it wrong to be expressing my feelings in my mothertongue? It sounds more personal and more sentimental like that.

Sudah tidak tertahan kudrat di hati
Melayari segala cubaan dan dugaan
Segala tomahan and andaian
Menguris perasaan yang sedia ada goyah

Meniti tiap-tiap mentari dengan persoalan
Mampukah aku? Tabahkah aku?
Apa yang dicari sebenarnya?
Kejayaan atau penerimaan?

Keikhlasan dihati untuk meruntun ilmu
Dipersoalankan. Patutkah ianya begitu?
Tiada siapa yang tahu
Kecuali yang Maha Esa

Ya Allah, Ku panjatkan doaku padamu
Hanya dirimu yang mengetahui
Isi dihati ini.
Bimbinglah, tabahkanlah diri ini

Berterbangan seperti debu
Goyah bercampur air mata
Namun berpaut bagai tali nyawa yang terakhir
Aku ikhlas menerima suratan takdir

Saturday, September 5, 2009

What actually happened this week? It is nuthing but a blur case it seems. I did remember differential equation popping up somewhere... Been putting off my Math IA like... seriously Im way behind. My brain is just not made for math. Maybe because I can't see it. I need to see things... Math is... well not seeing. Anyways... im home again and I only have a few hours to work on my Math IA. Shall we pull an all nighter again? Cuz I need to go to the hospital tommorow. That would be an issue.

Im scared for my Math IA. Seriously. Its not looking so good. You know... I should just really try to do my best. I have accepted that I am not a Math genius and will never be. So lets be done with it ok. Maybe I could aim for quality and communication. I hope. Man... this is so not looking so good. I feel sick.

Not forgetting to mention other tons of homework. Im scared.

Self motivation and note : Diana... lets just do it. You are what you think. If you think you can then you could. - A man is but the product of his thoughts what he thinks, he becomes. - :)