Thursday, December 31, 2009

Of Promises and Pledges

Truthfully... no really knows who I am. I actually live a double life. Its not that hard. There's me and there's another me. The other me which comes out only in the darkest moment due to boredom and well... the temptations of the devil. Really, i have tried to vanquish and kill the other me but i failed over and over again. It makes me feel guilty each and everytime i live the other me but i can't seem to run away from it.

I wish to start 2010 by killing the other me. Another ferocious attempt. See how long it will last this time.

Promises and Pledges 2010
- Kill the other me
- A better servant of Allah, daughter, student, sibling, friend.
- To actually grow up (im 20 already)
- More hardworking (in studies, life and health)
- Lose weight gained due to steroid (i look like a panda)
- There are a lot of other things that i just can't list down right now...

Another thing to rant is... I feel depressed doing my EE. Just because i really don't know what to write in the discussion. Nothing make sense actually. Haih... really. Its really a poor attempt. I just have to do it right. Close one eye and just finish it. Damn it. Its so hard!~~

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

I feel ashamed. I know... i so totally wasted like loads amount of time, that i just can't believe that this is actually me.

Interestingly enough because of somebody's blog it somehow gave a huge blow to my obliviated brain.

That's it, time to repent.

I will cherish and fill my remaining time with something useful... omg, i feel so low.

Must motivate myself!~~ Now im worried. Math IA not done and a whole load of other crap not done.

One at a time... i can do it. Think positive gurl!~

Love thyself more!~


Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Sincerely, my EE sucks. Too bad. Reality-wise, it still sucks. That certain someone really knows how to suck out all the energy from one person and just crush and pummel them to their death. I can only imagine her evil smirks that sets your heart to stop beating. God, I have enough of this. If it wasnt because of me being afraid of not reaching the endline, i would have walked out of the door and not look behind. I feel like throwing my one EE into the trashbin and no one needs to help me.

I can't believe im saying this but my patience really have its limits. I don't know how long i can stand this. I hurts so bad that i feel like im suffocating. I can't face her anymore. I just can't. I have no more heart to look her in the face and i wish that Sem 4 would fly away really quickly so that i don't have to look at her anymore. Its not normal for me to do this but to save my own dying soul i think its necessary.

It hurt so much. Too much that i think im losing my mind. Oh god. Help me.

Monday, December 14, 2009

How to love without feeling guilty? Im delusional.