Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Bak kata pepatah, bagai langit dan bumi. To me there is no connection in between, hence the thing with me and the dude. I can't call him anything else can I? Anyways... isn't it obvious? What sign am I waiting more for? Its my call, leave and be done with it. Its only like 1 month away you know.... so yeah. But its funny how this is the first time liking someone from a far can actually change you. Slowly... but surely. I have to remember though, Im doing this for Allah and no one else. I know He cares about me. I have to put my highest confidence in Him. He has plan laid out for me, I can't stray away from it. All I have to do is embrace it and it will all be well.
Why am I runnning away? Its the question im asking every single day. Its the last leg of the race. Why in the world am I running away from Mathematics? For Allah's sake, its just a subject. Truth to be told... I am scared that I am not going to further my education in oversea, split more milk than before, be a huge dissapointment eventhough my parents said its okay. Still... deep down inside, Im not okay with it. Don't run away anymore okay... really, its going to be fine. Regardless of what happen... it will be okay. There is still time... you can work on it. Just do the best you can.
Anyways.... its funny how Allah wake me up for Subuh prayer, it just felt so real. Considering I can't sleep last night and slept at 4.30. Allah actually woke me up with a bang. I guess that is how the Palesteinian feels. It was not much... but a glimpse but it felt so real. I felt like I was on a mission but the dream ended with a candle burnt out.
It started with me staring out of my window seeing huge bomb and i can really feel the resonance of the bomb exploding. Then my house was on fire... tried to save my family - I was calm apparently, somehow knowing that it would eventually happen - then I saw a rocket missile being launched - I asked, 'there's a rocket missile in Malaysia? - I know its a stupid question but still... anyways... then it felt really cold and dark. A women gave me a lit candle and asked me to follow a man, seems like a mission to me... but the cold wind just blew it off. I lit it again... but failed to keep it burnt then I woke up with a huge thud on the heart and it was 6.30. = Devil Play?
Thing is... i had the same dream before.
Anyways... I should face reality... Math, I am going to kill you. Literally. Seriously.

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