Sunday, May 30, 2010

On The Contrary...

I currently have my own opinion eventhough i feel as if I would get shot by it.

Anyways... me n my sis went for breakfast. One of the aunty was being friendly I suppose and well... my sis werent so fond of being too friendly with her. I pointed it out, curious actually... and the reaction was... *friendly bertempat not like you.. all over the place*. My head was spinning madly thinking. Kitakan muslim sama2, nak bertempat apenye.. I mean i know I have this bad habit of being friendly to everyone... but it does not mean I don't put my guard up.

After that... my bro in law said *its a bad world and people will get ya*. I totally understand his point of view. With the rate of crime around, who wouldn't but then again... if we lead the world with... kau2, aku2 principle wouldn't that lead to another prob? Of course its not too good to be heavily involved, but a smile would not hurt anyone. Of course there is this bomoh2 thing and crap stuff... but I remembered, nothing goes by Him unknown. It happens because He let it happens. Who to blame? No one in particular actually.

On the bright side, it give us the reason to look for Him. He is the Best Protector of All. On the downfall, we suffer A LOT. But then again, prevention is better then cure, 5 times of solat, the 4 Qul before sleep, the secret rendezvous in the better half of the night, sole asking for his forgiveness and protection. Isnt that enough to protect you from all of that. All it takes is faith. A strong one. *of course there are other things... but Im a newbie*

I know its easier for me to say it... but actually its harder to do it... but its not impossible. Im training myself slowly again... Im weak and I know it but it does not give me a reason to stop trying.

Now i feel like i want to be surrounded by my friends again... they give me some sense of protection against all this bad things..

= Totally understand by... *the world is an Dan berpeganglah kamu semuanya kepada tali (agama) Allah, dan janganlah kamu bercerai berai, dan ingatlah akan nikmat Allah kepadamu ketika kamu dahulu (masa Jahiliah) bermusuh musuhan, maka Allah mempersatukan hatimu, lalu menjadilah kamu karena nikmat Allah orang-orang yang bersaudara; dan kamu telah berada di tepi jurang neraka, lalu Allah menyelamatkan kamu daripadanya. Demikianlah Allah menerangkan ayat-ayat-Nya kepadamu, agar kamu mendapat petunjuk.
[ali Imran, 3:103]*

Next thing in mind was... when people say they are not apt enough to be apart of something... i wonder whether is Satan toying with them again. Hurm... I was in that position, still in that position?... but... we must fight it. We must look for him eventhough it will be a path filled with sharp stone and things that cut you to the bone... Never think you are not good enough for it. You don't deserve to be among the crowd that knows Allah better than you. Be a part of it. Its a learning process that you would not be accustomed by only attending it once... it takes patience and and open heart for it to work. I know I did.

Im scared. Fullstop. Its a simple mere truth.

Im not running. I am not even crawling... im just merely dragging myself... on the floor... but I am going towards Him. Its hard. For me... its hard but its not impossible.

When there is a will, there is a way.

I need to be strong. Not only for me... but also for my family. Who to bring them along... if its not me.


I need a fresh start... a better focus... and a better, solid purpose.

One by one Diana... one by one.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

I remembered... ^^

Yesh.. I do realise that I so totally did not record my last moments being in KMB. Well... forgive me, I was just too busy trying to focus on getting out without much hassle.

So what did I remember... other than being a complete jerk to someone, on the other hand... It was pretty memorable.

Okay... so first things first,

1. I remembered going to the surau after the last paper... rolled around crazily while thinking... what am I going to do next.

2. I remembered that I hurriedly going back to the room while thinking painfully... that my roomate was about to embark on a delicious journey to Nilai eating her heart out... I wanted to follow... but hey... mommmy was reluctant to let me go. I know she did gave her permission but hey I know her better.

3. I remembered carrying an apple and a knife, silently praying the Allah would grant me a last visit to the Rabbits hut and Alhamdullilah he did. Those rabbits were adorable.... I wished I knew about the Rabbits earlier... huff.

4. I remembered I was fasting that day... and it rained heavily but I was happy the wind was blowing hard and loved the rain like it showered all the hardship and pain away... but I also remembered that it kept me hostage at the surau and prevented me from going to the DS early. Oh well.. thank God Siti was there... I get to read the fantabulous book. :P *thanks Siti for the burger!~*

5. I remembered my roomate don't get to go to Nilai... but she spent her time at Cikgu's house. I realised that I can be friendly, nice and polite... but its hard to establish a relationship... I don't let people in my circle so easily. Its like an invincible defensive system... but not many know about that. ^^

6. I remembered cleaning my room for 3 days straight... I thought it was endless.

7. I remebered the last usrah with kak Nadia. It was weird. I had to tell a story... and I sucked at it. Wasnt born a storyteller nor a Dai. Im still a newbie :3

8. I remembered the last get-together my classmate had. A night of keropok fresh off the fire, booze( I called the popcorn - booze), and haral (haram/halal) ciggs (you know.. love letter.. :P). We ka-re-0-ked at 11.00 till midnight. *@_@!~*

9. I remembered returning to spend my last night as a KMB-ian with my lovely roomate. Helped her clean the room and finally dozing off.

10. I remembered that I woke up at 4.00am, my eyes stubbornly didn't wanna sleep and I spent all my morning to carry my boxes down. I took a break at 5.00am, and devoured my left-over pizza while staring blankly into space.

11. I remembered clearing my room and performed solat.. and had a tug-o-war game with my roomate. :P

12. I remembered that i had no feeling nor emotion on leaving the place. I know... I can be heartless sometimes. (Most probably because i had squeeze out all my water-works before)

13. I remembered the drama of -HANDPHONE GONE MISSING- ordeal. Yesh... it was embarrassing... but hey.. Allah knows me more. There was a reason behind it, although I might have perceived it wrongly... but He gave me a chance.

14. I remembered the last look at... I shall keep this a secret eyh? :)

And that was it... the last of KMB-life.


Monday, May 17, 2010

Kepergian Yang Berteman..

Its not usual for me to write a title... however its special today because just before leaving the room, a quick sneak peek at the next page, Allah gave me words to accompany me. In which i recited once (the maksudlaa.. )

"...bertawakalah kepada Allah. Sungguh Allah mencintai orang yang bertawakal.... Kerana itu, hendaklah kepada Allah saja orang2 mukmin yang bertawakal"

For a newbie like me.. getting things like this makes me more overwhelmed..(is that the right word... hurm..) anyways.. I might not heed his word well. Because when i sat for the paper... i was a little bit dumbstruck, smiling wryly to myself.. 'uhuh.. yeah Allah said this to me this morning..'

So, although a little sad.. but hey. He said His piece. Therefore... I shall let it be

. I can't study immediately after exam. My brain is dead somehow.

Fringe!~~ Where are you???~~ (Awesome TV show. lolz..)

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Wednesday, - After Chemistry Paper.

I handed in the badly written paper with much doubt in my heart. Tear drop came out silent with my arm unconciously wiping them away.

I walk fasteadly to the musollah... i landed on my roomate's lap let the dam broke itself.

I was comforted by my roomate and my classmate.

My teacher called.. my friend's phone that it.

She was thankful... but I was in doubt of my effort.

She left, I still shed my tears.

My roomate consoled me... teardrops still comes out.

I prayed with swolled eyes while tears still sneaking their way out.

Silently praying to Allah to make let go of the grieve.

Finished praying and looking around for my missing brooch - it fell somewhere...

This right hand of mine, sneaking it way and my leg skipping in the musollah looking for a Tafsir. Found a black one.

Flipping its page, I found this.

"Maka berimanlah kamu kepada Allah dan Rasul-nya dan kepada cahaya (Al-Quran) yang telah kami turunkan. "Dan Allah Mahateliti terhadap apa yang kamu kerjakan"

Miraculously... the tears stop. I feel calm again.

P/s : Need an english tafsir badly. ^^