Saturday, March 26, 2011

I Wanna Hold Your Hand ~~~

I bet the first thing that comes into your mind would either be The Beatles, or... i'm crazing for some kind of dude.

Nope you are wrong, I mean, for the hung up over some dude.

Truth is... im a glee fan. Damn crazy about them... but I loved this song too. When I first heard it.. of course, its like a couple thing and stuff... but then, Glee decided to make it into a ballad version - in which at the time Kurt's father was sick.

So now... if you only listen to the audio. Its has a lingering sad emotion to it. Since i am an imaginary person (.. though not all the time.. ), I imagined that the hands that I wanna hold is Allah's (figuratively speaking...)

That, my dear friends and well readers - (If i have any.. -_-) struck a chord so deep that I cried unreasonably.

Since i know, human beings are really not really magnificent in the first place, nothing great to boast about to our dear Allah.. hence, that insignificant feeling is there.. and you just want to say, "Dear Allah, i am here, look at me... look at me"

Of course, compared to the Women of the great Islamic time I am nothing.. but I wish I am something that Allah can be proud of. i don't want Allah to ever regret creating me in the first place, even though I still don't know why i am here. One of the things i can do is be good right?

So yeah, my point here is...
try and listen to the song.. and imagine the same thing that i am imagining... so maybe, you would feel the same sorrow that i am feeling and somehow.. i don't know.. awake something inside.

Yours Sincerely,

link -

Should not be doing this now..

Sometimes, when you have not write anything for a long time... feelings and thought just unconsciously fills up the gap in the cervices of your brain.

Hence, these past couple of days have been a rollercoaster. Its currently 1.30 am in the morning and i have not yet completed my lecture. i know... this is so unlike me. Never have I been a procrastinator... but i guess, there is a first time for everything. I just need a break. Sadly, break comes after the exam.

I lazed around doing housework and ended up watching a Thai movie - love story, sob sob. Yes, we all adore the love story, such happy endings and the sorts. Then reminiscing my newly found exposure to the big responsibility as the worshipper of Allah makes me wonder what 'Love' is all about. Yes, the pumping hormone of excitement runs freely in ur blood when you watch lovey dovey movie but its not quite the same as the adrenaline pumping - beckoning you to prove yourself worthy of this minuscule existance... proving to other humanity that being a Muslimah/Muslim - is not really a bad thing.However, Islam in itself is self-explanatory. It exist even without prompts of human because it does not lose anything. We do.

By the way, i really don't know why sometimes I just don't feel like doing anything. Other than the fact I have just got 4 vaccination and the annoying crap feeling on my arm does not serve to be a reason for procrastination and feeling lazy. I should really give myself a slap in the face. Most probably sit down, and open my book and study instead of writing this.

Anyways, in the end, I am just a normal human being, not a superwomen. I'll make an effort tomorrow. If i can get up and not sleep. I really don't know whether I should drink coffee or not.. what keeps me going is coffee, once upon a time ago.. but arrgh.. dilemma.



Friday, March 11, 2011

Lost on a Friday pondering.

To some extent, getting lost on a Friday evening... might not be the best idea you can ever come up with. Somehow, its like a synonym when you don't get the 'direction light' from Allah. You meet up with drunk people along the way. But, Allah is His Most Merciful and Most Loving of all. He'll guide you back to the right path again i.e in this situation = home. :)

It was funny when I was from the Medical Library, stumbled across a new area in campus, encounter drunk people and ended at the Sports Center. That was just plain weird... but yeah, Allah is trying to say something.

Anyways, my conscience is clear.... its just that it is important for you people to know that... approaching someone and somehow ended up intimidating their level of confidence and capabilities.. its not good at all. Its makes you want to avoid that person. A lot. Look, I may portrait some kind of a loser and such, nerd.. geek... but I didn't come all the way here to and not learn anything new.

I know my limits. I don't need people to mistrust me. For me, mingling with other people allows me to know new things that I can't always get from the same circle of people. Seriously. Not just that, sometimes (or most of the time).. i relay information. Isn't that a good thing? It does not mean that I am going bar-hopping in broad daylight alright.

I know why I am here.

To some extent, i have heard... "Staying in Newcastle is to burden other people... ITS LIKE THAT." - In my head and i did blurt it out... "Doesn't it make you not independant?" - Look, im not saying that i don't burden other people... I do, sometimes its just unavoidable... but somehow I JUST REFUSE to practice such behaviour whenever I can.

Yeah, going to residential meeting is BORING!~.. but doesn't it teach you responsibility?

I don't know.. i get offended when people on the outside say things about things that matter's the most to me.

So what if I want to be at the venue 10 minutes earlier than everybody else? Does it bother you? Im trying to practice punctuality... so deal with it.

Call me 'skema'... 'freak' or whatever. Trust me, it does not cost me a penny.