Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Post Exam Blues

Assalamualaikum~ ^,^

Its been a while since isn't it? Truthfully... I don't even know what to write. There isn't anything worth mentioning.
However... i think this has happened to many times that I think it is significant enough to written here. By the way, a word of warning though - its girlie in a icky-icky way. Hence, leave now if you don't wanna get involved. ^.^!

As a summary of the hottest topic for a stressful first year medical school its always about getting hitched. Aka - married. Hahah... even i think its really funny. The best part of it all... all of us blame our raging hormone and built in mechanism to reproduce at such a glorified, reproducible age. At one point... i was so stressed with the workload that i just wish someone would take me as a housewife. Pathetic, I know!~~ -_-.

However... there is always a reason why Im here. In the continent of Australia... doing medicine. To build my knowledge about Islam and at the same time strive for the best in doing Medicine and eventually a great - no good but a great doctor. I have a wishful thinking that I have a clear conscious reason as to why I am doing Medicine. Sometimes I would have doubts, 'Can I really do this? Did i get into the wrong course?' Its kinda too late to think about that now.... but I still have them!~ So, Im just going to make the best of it. It hard and I admit it, Its stressful and yes... sometimes you feel like burying yourself and never resurface.

Having a brain, capabilities and normal human function = it is a damn huge responsibility. From the outside, we feel emphatic to those who have Down Syndrome. Yes, its pitiful... but know that, they are among the luckiest people on Earth. To those who know that life on Earth is short compared to the Hereafter... they too will agree that people like those having Down Syndrome are the lucky ones. They have less responsibility than we do. Where we stand and what we do, determines our endpoint. Either good or bad. Its never both. They don't have to worry about that. We do.

So... after having constant encounters with babies and toddler and kids... we all wanted kids. Like now. I am definitely not exempted. Which is funny actually because i opposed getting married early but now.. when im kinda like 21... its somehow turned a switch in my cerebellum that.. 'owh... you can reproduce now. Get on it...' -_-! Ahh... i sound desperate.

But then, reality kicks in and well you just realise its not really that easy. Its not. Maybe im writing this down to comfort myself to actually accept the reality of life that.. well.. marriage? As much as I really want it... and really-really want it. Maybe im just not ready.. and Allah knows that. He is the best determiner of all. He will determine whether I'll eventually marry someone -get the pun??- or even have kids. Thing is... Im really ambitious. Being with me is going to be a rough paved road. Or at least im imagining its going to be like that. i wonder if there will be anyone who wants to experience hardship with me... and still with all this, at least 3 kids or even 5. I like it to be an odd number. :D

Just the other day... me and some friends were discussing about this and how eventually we must reach that Baitulmuslim level. But first we need to change ourselves for the better. Of course, it doesn't mean that you have to be perfect and only then you can get married... its just that... haha... i don't know. Being married is hard isn't it? And yet we still want too be married!~ Its just so funny. Like my friend said.. life is like a ferris wheel, it has its ups and downs and sometimes it breaks down when you least expected it too.

This topic has been bothering me a lot... i guess when you are surrounded by younger people - you'll feel old. Haha. ^.^ So, i guess.... when i have expressed it all here... it wont bother me anymore. My current responsibility is to learn about Islam and learn how to be come a Doctor. Not just learning Medicine. When the time is right... marriage and kids will come. For now, I'll put it aside and enjoy my leftover youth. Wahaha!~ *evil laugh*

Don't worry ne!~

At-Talaq-65:3 :- And He provides for him from (sources) he never could imagine. And if any one puts his trust in Allah, sufficient is ((Allah)) for him. For Allah will surely accomplish his purpose: verily, for all things has Allah appointed a due proportion.

Just worry about passing Med school. *_*!~

P/s: I miss my mommy, daddy and sissys :(

1 comment:

  1. Assalamualaikum

    D, i'm just too lazy to read through your long post, but just to say, don't worry, we are where we are right now for a reason, a purpose, and it is up to us to define that purpose; might be just for ourselves, or maybe just for our family, or if we want to make it more meaningful, it could also be for the sake of Islam and the Ummah..we define that and we have the right to choose.

    and choose wisely...Know that He is always there for you.. and you know you can always buzz me for anything, inshaAllah..

    love you dear!